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Mantis85
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Name: Amanda
Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Springfield
Birthday: 11/27/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Music, walks, deep conversations, pictures, art projects, writing, night time, summer, keychains, unique accessories, acting, inside jokes, water sports, studying, cleaning, showers, animals, nail polish, naps, Christmas, acting lesbian, purple, board games, friends, parties, you know...the usual.
Expertise: Worrying, leg wrestling, wide mouth frog jokes.
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  shnugglepie
MSN: queenflamingo@hotmail.com
Member Since:
10/21/2004
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| I haven’t posted in a while, but I must give an update now!
My recital is over! I am so relieved! I am so thankful I had a good reed on Sunday, because that’s what I was worried about the most. Sure I made mistakes. Sure my soft palette died before I was done. But some of the most important people in the world to me were there, and we had a good time! One more obstacle done....one step closer to graduation!
Clifton and I are ENGAGED! It is still so unreal...it hasn’t really hit me yet. I have just been walking around the past couple of days, frequently getting distracted by a beautiful sparkly ring on my finger. Eventually we are going to make wedding plans and move off somewhere and live together and deal with grown-up issues together. And my initials will spell ‘ass’ (no monogram gifts for our wedding, please...). Like I said, it doesn’t seem real. It probably won’t for a little while. But I am so lucky and excited...and I have no doubts that this is the perfect plan for us :)
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| Last semester of classes at Missouri State!
Ready.......GO!
Wait...what?
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| It is starting to dawn on me that some of the people I love the most will be leaving soon. It makes me really wish I was graduating in May...because if I was leaving too, it wouldn't seem so bad. I would think about my friends arriving at their new destination instead of leaving such a familiar one, because I would be arriving too. I would still think we were together because we would leave together.
What could I learn from this? I could learn to not become so emotionally dependent on such few people. I could learn to push everyone away so no one important could ever leave my life. I could learn to make new friends. I could learn that I am clingy. I could learn a new hobby to deal with the loneliness...
Most importantly, I could learn that I am a follower. Wherever I go when I leave, I am following someone. Maybe I am literally following a person and I will be happy no matter where I go as long as they are there. Or maybe I am following someone's advice. Somebody I respect tells me about a perfect job opening, and maybe I'll take it.
Very few times in college do I remember really being lonely. There was always someone around....or I was too busy to even notice. I am scared. I am scared I will have nervous breakdowns while I'm student teaching and all the people I would have talked to will not be there. I'm afraid of what I'll do when I'm lonely.
Yes, I hear the song, but I don't believe it. You will not be here.
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| This is officially the busiest semester EVER!
Oh lord, everywhere I’m headed, I know I’m going to be late. I’m taking so many hours, my full scholarship is not paying for all of it. If I have to dress up for early morning practicum, I have to end up running all over campus in dress clothes for the rest of the day. I have no time to watch TV or movies, use my YMCA membership, see Clifton, stop and talk to friends on the way to class, run errands, go grocery shopping, or even eat (But there's time for xanga?...I know)! I seriously don’t have time to eat...and my empty stomach really slows me down. Checkpoint II? What? They won’t give me a locker for the bari sax...it weighs at least as much as I do...and I couldn’t possibly park close enough to Ellis. Thanks, Missouri State. Practicum in 3 classes? The pages in my planner fill up faster than the sun comes up every day. Recital attendance?!?! Sometimes I have to write down my thoughts in my planner because I don’t have time to think them! 15-19 hours of work a week...but I really want to start paying for as much as I can myself. Hello, pet that I need to take care of. I have to deal with problems like not receiving my paycheck (Milton from Office Space, I know...), dealing with AT&T (we disconnected our service over a month ago...), and finding time to go to child abuse training and risk management training. I need a haircut. Rush week? Senior recital? Christmas shopping?
It’s okay...I did this to myself. I definitely don’t have time to not be selfish this semester, which I feel bad about. All day, it’s all about me and what I have to get done. But that’s the way I played my cards this semester. Great job, Amanda.
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| Sometimes I think the beginning of the year is a busier time of year than finals week! Auditions, meetings, TB tests...it’s like you carry them around in your backpack all day along with your books. One by one, you get to get rid of the tasks. Check.
More band department frustration. There’s nothing I can do about it, really. And it doesn’t matter. It only matters to me because I have a false sense of the fruits of success. Everyone I care about knows the truth...everyone who really knows me. This is all happening for a reason, and some day I will know why I am putting up with this crap. I have to remember that I have it a lot better than a lot of people I know.
I really enjoy living close to so many friends. It feels like summer camp, or like walking between cabins at Pinder resort (for those of you who understand that reference).
I don’t know about these education classes I have to take. Will I really learn anything from them? I know what they are designed to do...but it’s hard to teach those broad subjects to such a wide variety of students, especially when they have so many different varieties of career paths in mind for themselves. Is this really what qualifies us to be teachers? That scares me. I’m so glad I have had real experience...because if I hadn’t, I would have no idea what I was getting myself into. I wouldn’t know from the classes, that’s for sure.
Love the new job. LOVE it! In case you don’t know, I get to work at Sequiota Elementary school watching kids after school through the YMCA. They are such great kids...they really are. They help me keep my head level on my shoulders. They remind me why I’m here and what I’m doing.
Love the other job, too. Sweetest old couple ever. I hope I'm still as happy and in love as they are when I'm their age. They are so appreciative when I come over, and they think I'm a superhero because I can climb up on a ladder and change an outdoor light bulb.
Love the boy, too. LOVE him:)
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